


what do you meaN WHICH ONE

by gaybabyjailwarden



Category: Batman - All Media Types
Genre: AU, College AU, Hand Jobs, M/M, also NOT pwp, maybeeee, only mentions of nsfw things, renaissance fairs, stupid nerds, this is honestly..... i dont know
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-04-13
Updated: 2015-04-13
Packaged: 2018-03-22 15:59:59
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 946
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3734878
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/gaybabyjailwarden/pseuds/gaybabyjailwarden
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>loosely based on the "were on a blind date, but wait aren't you the guy who gave me a handjob at a renaissance fair? what do you MmEAN WHICH ONE??" au.</p>
            </blockquote>





	what do you meaN WHICH ONE

**Author's Note:**

> ok this is the first actual fic i've written in literally YEARS so please excuse me if its actually horrible. Headcanons follow the trash au AKA the batman college au, which u can read all about on my tumbl, annoyinggeniusednigma.tumblr.com/tagged/trash%20au

     Edward glanced around the dimly lit café while he waited for his coffee- well, J’s coffee. Joker got into moods, and Ed didn’t want to wake up to another one of his shoes missing. Or on fire. Or in his bed, on fire. Joker was a strange man.  
     He was vaguely aware of someone staring at him, which he would have passed off as his incredibly good looks if the man hadn’t looked so confused. He looked familiar, but Eddie couldn’t place the face- probably just someone he had seen around town before. Still, he was intriguing- his stare was intense, scholarly, like he was studying Ed. Trying to figure him out. It was making him uncomfortable. He stared back, and now they were in gridlock, both refusing to look away. Now that he thought about it, though, the man looked really familiar: his pointy, bird’s-beak nose, the pursed lips, and his eyes- where had he seen him before?  
     “ooOOH MY GOD-“ and before he could figure out what was happening, Eddie was getting pulled out of the starbucks, drinkless, by the very frightening and very handsome somewhat-stranger. He pulled him away from anyone else, and for a moment he wondered if he was taking him to some secluded location so he could kill him. _I’m too pretty to die like this._  
   Eddie stopped, ripping the man’s hand off his arm, looking to see if they were making a scene outside yet. A few people were looking, but no one seemed too alarmed. “I’m sorry, can you tell me what the hell your problem is?”  
     “You’re the…” the mystery man looked around, cautious of any eavesdroppers, leaning closer to Ed and yell-whispering, “I’ve been trying to figure out why you look so familiar and I did: you gave me _a handjob at the renaissance fair._ ” The man was blushing, a pale pink that spread across his cheekbones and onto his ears. He looked even better up close, especially like this.  
     Eddie squinted, furrowing his brows. “When? Give me a year. What was I wearing? Did we do anything else?” The man looked at him incredulously. “Wait, hold on, what’s your name?”  
     “Jonathan. Crane. Jonathan Crane. Although I don’t think we exchanged formalities, when you, you know, gave me a handjob, at a renaissance fair!!!” the last part came out as a hiss, and his blush was spreading down his face. “Have you given _other_ people handjobs at other renaissance fairs??”  
     Ed thought about it for a moment, tried to rifle through the renaissance fairs he had been to, and sure enough, there he was: Jonathan pressed against a wall behind some shop, Ed’s hand down his stupid renaissance pants, his mouth biting a watercolor of bruises onto Jon’s neck. Now they were both blushing. “Ok. I remember now.”  
     “How could you have forgotten? Is publicly jerking people off one of your hobbies??”  
     “Hey, that was a hard year for me, okay-“  
     “And exhibitionism is a form of stress relief?”  
     “Oh, I’m sorry, you didn’t seem to have a problem with it at the time!”  
The two continued bickering until Ed remembered his drinks, and Jon realized he never even got to order, at which point Ed scribbled his name and number onto a napkin and angrily pressed it into his stupid attractive bird face.  
\--------------------------------------------------------------------------------  
     “Ugh, finally! How long does it take to get a frappe?” Joker reached with grabbing hands towards Ed, refusing to get up from under his blanket on their couch. Ed handed it over, flopping down next to him before remembering the guy and the events that had transpired. He got back up and started pacing. Joker groaned.  
     “Ok first of all, shut up, second of all, it took me a long time because when I was at Starbucks there was this guy and he looked super familiar, like more than ‘oh I’ve probably seen you before’”- Ed pantomimed what he imagined normal, friendly people looked like when talking to strangers- “but like, I’ve definitely seen this guy before. And he was like, glaring at me with this super blue eyes, and then all of a sudden he was pulling me out of the starbucks and into the secluded location and yelling at me about how he knows me because I gave him a handjob at a renaissance fair, right-“ Eddie had to pause because J had started choking on his drink.  
     “You gave a stranger-“ cough “a HANDJOB” wheeze “at a fucking RENAIssaNCE FAIR?” This wasn’t entirely surprising- Eddie had done a lot of things when they were in college that made people think he was a "slut", but this was some next level shit.  
     “So what!! You went down on that guy in the alley behind a club!”  
     “FAMILIES GO TO RENAISSANCE FAIRS, EDDIE.”  
     “Ok fine, touché, but heres the thing- I didn’t remember who he was a first. He wasn’t the only person I’ve given a handjob to at a renaissance fair.”  
At this Joker lost it, breaking down into his hideous hyena-nicki minaj laugh, throwing his head back and baring all his teeth. His hair bounced slightly with each laugh. Eddie rolled his eyes and started cleaning up- very carefully removing his shoes from anywhere near J, putting his bag down, putting his hair in a loose bun, until J had devolved into little giggles every now and then.  
     “It was not that funny.”  
     “I just, I couldn’t stop imagine-hee-heeng, I couldn’t not imagine you at this like, kissing booth-“ another round of laughter “but instead of ‘kissing booth’, it just said, ‘YE OLDE HANDJOBS’.”  
Ed, for neither the first nor last time, seriously questioned his choice in roommates.


End file.
